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Creating a password

cabbage
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boiled cabbage
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1 boiled cabbage
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50fuckingboiledcabbages

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50FUCKINGboiledcabbages

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50FuckingBoiledCabbagesS hovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon' tGiveMeAccessImmediately.
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NowIAmGettingReallyPisse dOff50FuckingBoiledCabbag esShovedUpYourArseIfYouDo ntGiveMeAccessImmediately
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10 Fun Facts

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.

4. You just tried #3.

6. When you did #3 you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog.

7. You're smiling right now, because you were fooled.

8. You skipped #5.

9. You just checked to see if there was a #5.

10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Justice, Grandma Style!

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.

Prison Break

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants *censored*, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

Teacher Arrested at JFK

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F Kennedy International airport this morning as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide rule and a calculator. At a press conference just before noon today, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. Although he did not identify the man, he confirmed the man has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us,' the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. The use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher, Isosceles, used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."' The Attorney General went on to say 'Teaching our children sentient though processes and equipping them to solve problems is dangerous and puts our government at risk.'

True Love


Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor...Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.

Next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.
He prays that they should not have a fight. He finds a note near the table.

"Honey, your favorite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy groceries. I'll come running back to you, my love. I love you."

He gets surprised and asks his son,"What happened last night?"

Son told,"When mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt, you were dead drunk and you said......

"Hey Lady! Leave Me Alone...I'm married!!!"

Good Grandpa


A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing Items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little **censored**'s name is Kevin."

Jesus Knows You're Here!


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

2 Old Scots


Two elderly Scotsmen were sitting outside talking, when a very attractive younger women walked by.

Remarked the first Scot, "Cute little lass."

And his friend replied, "Nice face, too."

Elderly Couple


An elderly couple were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, loud yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would always shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of that grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

Neighbors feared him but the cranky old man liked the fact that he was feared.

Then one evening, at the age of 91, he died. After his burial, the neighbors, concerned for his wife’s safety, asked: "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be
able to dig his damn way out of that grave and then come haunt you for the rest of
your days?”

"Let him dig," the wife said, "I had him buried upside down … and I know the SOB won't ask for directions."